I Hate Sex

It’s not that I hate sex in general, I’m a married woman so trust and believe that I adore sex. What I hate is writing a sex scene in my stories. I don’t know about other authors but for me it’s an arduous task to write two characters engaging in sex. You want to know why because I want to get it right and getting it right takes 62028fbf5e31b98750f0f8028a876f49planning and detail but not too much detail.

I’ve read some really crappy sex scenes in my life. I’ve read some really great ones and I know the great ones are harder to write. I’ll share with you later who writes some of the best and why. Bad are bad because they write sex that is completely unrealistic. Now I don’t give you complete realism when I write sex scenes. No one is having synchronized orgasm but that sounds better than him having one and her having one later or not at all. But you have to think deeply about what your characters are doing, where their body parts are placed, where hands and lips are going, legs and feet intermingling, what facial exoressions they use and the words they say. You got to get the moans and groans right. It is not easy.

When I first began writing romance, I figured the sex scene would be the easiest part. Man was I wrong. I kept wishing I could do like the Alfred Hitchcock movies and describe fireworks going off or a train speeding into a tunnel to describe sex. But no bueno, I remember once reading a romance book and the cover promised hotness but when it came time for the main characters to have sex, which took reading half the book, she just described them kissing and then going behind a closed door. I was pissed, all the buildup for nothing, I also thought it was lazy on the author’s part. I know many authors have pangs over writing those scenes, I am one. I think just describing a door closing is just beyond ridiculous especially if your book is described as an adult romance.  Christian romance is different but this wasn’t one, in fact, I’ve read Christian romance hotter than that. So I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t do that to you as the reader. I’d go all the way but there are some boundaries.

I have boundaries on the words I’ll use. It’s not always easy to come up with a variance on words to describe sex, sexual positions, body parts and functions. One of the best places to get ideas is from another author.  Reading my favorite authors gives me fresh notions, I don’t steal anything it helps wake up my brain juices. You also have to think about where to place the sexual encounters in your story this may be the easiest part, I just go with what I perceive would happen in a natural relationship or what may happen between adults. I’ve had it happen early, later on it just depends on the vibe of the characters. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I don’t write about things I have no knowledge of, you’ll probably never see me write BDSM, not my thing and don’t know anything about it personally.  I’ve seen other authors write BDSM to try to be edgy and it’s obvious they don’t know what they’re talking about. It comes off as falsely and as pretense.  Always a great disappointment for the reader. Now if you’ve read my stories, you have to know some of the things I write in the sex scenes are from real life experiences. Some of the things the characters say have been said to me during moments of passion. Which ones they are, you’ll have to guess.

So trust that I love writing stories to share with you all but this is a task. I adore writing romance but know that when you read those sex scenes and get filled with emotion that comes from a place of love and commitment. I don’t always enjoy writing them but I certainly enjoy the finished product. I hope you do too. Happy reading!

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